Edinburgh University 2

I am so tired, and today I have a migraine. I have reached saturation point for encountering new people, in unfamiliar settings, and absorbing useful information. Feeling old and tired.

It is Thursday—and it feels like I have lived a whole month in the last few days! On the positive side, I have discovered lots about how to undertake a PhD, and met some friendly people, and I do believe that eventually, all will be well. But at the moment I am longing for familiarity and safety and to stop trying. It has all been an effort.

The week began on Sunday, with collecting my student pass. This had all been uploaded in advance, and we had been told to book an appointment, which was valid for 15 minutes. In practice, when I arrived at the allotted time, there was a long line of students snaking around the library square and out of sight. When I asked people if they had an appointment, they said no, they were just turning up on the off-chance (this seems to be the way new students do things). However, the library staff were seeing people in the order they arrived not the order of appointment—which didn’t seem to exist—so it was a long wait. It passed eventually, I chatted to some Mandarin-speaking students, and I ended up with my student pass. I am rather pleased with my pass, and it allows access to all sorts of exciting university buildings. First mission achieved.

Monday was mainly about learning the building of New College and meeting members of staff and other students. Only the postgraduate students were in the seminars, though we were a mix of Master’s and PhD students. There were some smaller meetings, when I discovered some more PhD students who planned to study remotely, and it was good to chat with them. The day ended with a guided walk, which I’ll describe in another blog. I met Husband and Son for dinner, which made a fun ending to the day. They told me about their day of whiskey tours and sightseeing, and I drank red wine and felt tired.

Tuesday were more welcome meetings. All the meetings were mainly fluff—nothing substantial was said but we learnt about the university and began to recognise each other. The main meeting was in McEwan Hall, in Bristo Square, which is the marvellous hall that we will eventually graduate in. It was very beautiful. Most of the university is very beautiful—I can’t quite believe I am here. Perhaps appreciating beautiful buildings is something that comes with age, as I’m not sure the younger students were necessarily noticing the ancient city. I also met my supervisor and the other PhD students working with her. It seems I am not the only one who feels like an imposter, hoping no one discovers that I’m not really clever enough to be here. Apparently this is a common feeling.

Wednesday was a full day of seminars, learning about things like ethics in research and how to avoid misconduct in academic writing. There was also an inaugural lecture, with members of staff wearing their gowns and processing into yet another marvellous hall, followed by more talking to strangers and trying to remember names and faces and areas of research.
Husband and Son spent the day in St. Andrews, which apparently has the best ice-cream parlour in the UK, and the beach where Chariots of Fire was filmed. They sent me photos of themselves running along the beach like olympic athletes (though to be honest, not so much like olympic athletes…)!

Today was a morning of lectures, learning about the workings of the library and discovering which research seminars were available to assist our research. It was helpful—probably the first day of actually useful material as opposed to fluffy stuff, but I was more tired. I have met SO many people, and have now got to the point when I cannot approach people to ask their names, because I probably already have, but I don’t recognise them. I have started to make a list of the main new friends I have made, because the names are a blur. I checked with one friend, checking that she was called Sarah. She said no, she is called something else, but lots of people have called her Sarah. I admitted that was probably my fault, and wrote down her correct name.

Then, walking back to the flat, I had a migraine aura and cancelled my plans to visit the main library.

Migraines are annoying, but there’s not much I could do to prevent it. I took pills, drank coffee, and waited for the worst of it to pass. If I consider what I have achieved this week, I am pleased. But between you and me, I am ready to go home now. I am sure that when I start, the fog of new things will become clear, and I will get into a routine of studying. In time, it will be fascinating. But the next few days are going to be hard for me. I am looking forward to going home.

Hope your week is not too hard. Take care.

Thanks for reading.

Love, Anne x