Calamity Church


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Ever have those days when everything seems to go wrong? Church has been a bit like that recently…

At school, we used to sing the hymn “Onward Christian Soldiers” – do you know the one? All about brave soldiers marching forwards into battle, ‘See his banners go’, ‘Like a mighty army, Moves the church of God’ – all sung to a rousing tune. The sort of song you have to stand up to sing. Well, the church I attend isn’t like that. My bit isn’t anyway. Sometimes it’s more like Dad’s Army if I’m honest.

Take this week as an example. On Friday, we had the health inspector at Lunch Club. Now, in case you don’t realise, health inspections are very high stress. If you serve food to the public, you have to comply with certain laws, which is good. You have to attend a hygiene course, so you don’t poison anyone, which is good. You are given a ‘star rating’ so everyone can see what your hygiene standards are like, which is good. In order for all these excellent things to be effective, you have to also endure random inspections by the health officials. Which, when you are the leader of a group, is quite stressful.

So, this week I was cooking and knew an inspection was due. Arrived early and scrubbed the kitchen before I cooked. (Yes, we do ALWAYS wipe the surfaces, we do not every week scrub the tiles behind the taps, dig out every last crumb behind the bins, things like that.) I was mid cooking when the inspector arrived. A very nice woman dressed in white overalls. I explained that I was cooking, and would just strain the part-cooked potatoes which were ready for roasting, and then set her up with our files to read through, while I put the potatoes in the oven and got lunch to a position where I could leave it for a few minutes. I left the potatoes in the saucepan while I grabbed the folders for her to read, then turned back to find one of of the other helpers was mashing the potatoes – or at least, was trying to mash them, they were still hard as had only just come to the boil. I did not slap the helper (inspector was present) and rescued those potatoes that were still large enough to roast, then continued to cook lunch and answer questions and appear calm. All turned out okay, 38 people had lunch (very few commented on the potato shortage) and we retained our 5 star hygiene rating. But it did not feel professional. It didn’t feel like an army marching forwards.

Another unfortunate event was our film night. We found out that it’s possible to rent films after they have been in the cinema but before they are released on DVD. This makes for a good opportunity to have a ‘community cinema’ – a service for local people, somewhere friendly for them to spend a Friday evening, plus they come into the church building, meet some of the members, and hopefully discover that we are welcoming, church is less ‘odd’ than they might think. The first showing was this week. It had been advertised in the local press, fliers had been given out, ice creams bought for the interval, a new high definition projector bought to ensure film quality, we were all set. We just needed the film. Which was delivered later than expected. So no one watched it beforehand. Certificate 12A have changed since I was a kid (when we went to see things like The Sound of Music!) As I sat in the church building, behind a fluffy haired sweet old lady; while strobe lights from a party scene flickered across the stained glass windows and people on the big screen snorted drugs; I felt this might have been a mistake. In the interval, the pastor said how relieved he was that at least there had been no nudity. He spoke too soon….

None of which makes me feel much like a mighty army of God. But we try. We are called to be faithful, not to always succeed – which is just as well at my church! And, we do have some brilliant sermons. This week, the week of disasters, we had a sermon on the book of Job. You know the book? It’s about a man who has everything, nice family, health, possessions. Then God lets the devil take it all away, to see if Job will still worship God, if he will stay faithful. I have never seen the point of this book before. I have no idea if it’s based on actual events, or is a story to make a point – but previously I never got what the point was, it just seemed cruel. But this week, it was explained.

The book shows that God is worth following. Just because he is God. Not so we have an easy life. Not because it will guarantee health, or wealth, or safety for our family. Stop and think for a minute.

Sometimes Christians ‘sell’ God. We talk about becoming a Christian so you can know peace, joy, forgiveness, so you have someone in your life who cares. The book of Job illustrates that these are NOT the reasons we should follow God. We should worship God because he is worth it. Just because He is God. That is a huge thought. Huge.

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Thank you for reading.

If you enjoyed this, you can follow my blog : anneethompson.com

You might also enjoy my book – strong characters and light humour wrapped up in an easy-read novel. Why not buy a copy to give as a gift to someone you want to make smile?

Hidden Faces final cover 6 July 2016

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First Book Signing Event…..


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I have had my first book signing event. Terrifying. Well, it was terrifying beforehand. When I was actually there, everyone was very nice and I almost enjoyed it. A book signing is not an activity I would choose to do. However, if you are an author, and if you actually want to sell your books, you somehow have to market them. Book signings are therefore necessary.

I decided to link mine with the local community cafe. It’s run by volunteers, and was a good opportunity for them to entice some new customers through the door, plus they received 25% of the price of every book sold. In return, they gave me a pleasant venue and some free advertising.

I have to admit, I have never actually attended a book signing before. Nor do I collect autographs. The thing is, I think people, whoever they are, are just people. So yes, I have met some very famous people, I have even had some round for tea. They are however, no better or worse, or more or less fun to be with, than all my non famous friends. They are basically the same as you and me. So, to want their autograph seems weird to me. It also seems weird to me that other people now want me to sign their book. It’s not something I really understand, but I am happy to do it.

Being a complete novice, I took some advice on what to do. My sister was a big help, as were a couple of ‘author community’ Facebook groups I have joined. Here’s their advice:

Make the table look attractive. It’s worth taking a cloth, some sweets, some signs so people know what is going on. Some people suggested a vase of flowers – they must be less accident prone than me, I had visions of tipping water all over my books, so I decided against that one. The sweets are also only a good idea if you take ones which you don’t particularly like, otherwise, if you’re like me, you will eat them all while waiting for customers. I took some masks, as the book is about people hiding their true ‘face’ when at work, it shows how people are different when they’re at home or with their friends.

Take a pen. You might be surprised to hear that I nearly forgot one!

Remember your author name. This one is also surprisingly hard. When you’re tired, and have chatted to the nineteenth stranger in a row, it is very easy to sign your real name by mistake!

Take enough books. I had NO idea how many books I would sell. Other authors are rather coy when it comes to actually giving numbers (which is not very helpful when you are just starting out.) I would have been disappointed to sell 3, pleased to sell 10. I sold 16, with a further order of 10 more. No idea how that rates with an average non-famous, just starting out author – try asking a few and see if they will tell you!

Be prepared to listen. I found most people wanted to chat. Some people wanted to chat for a very long time. Mostly, this is nice, you get to hear about their lives and how they plan to write a book one day. It’s quite tiring though, so plan something low effort afterwards.

Advertise the event. This one is difficult. I can tell you what DIDN’T work! I handed out invitations at the school gate to nearly a hundred mothers as they collected their children (because the story is set in an infant school.) Not one came. I put it on Facebook. Same result. I put it on Twitter. Nope, not a soul.. The best advertising was word of mouth – people who had bought the book telling other people that they were going to buy another one. The local paper also advertised it, and I did have three people who came just because they saw it in there.

A few people arrived with books they had previously bought in the shops, for me to sign. That was nice, because they had read it and told me they had enjoyed it. Some people (and this is the best ever for an author) had their own copy and were now buying a second copy for someone for Christmas. That was so nice, made me feel glad I had been brave enough to hold the event.

Thanks for reading. Hope it was useful.

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On Monday, I will tell you about my church…You know, “Onward Christian Soldiers..”?

Well, my church is more like Dad’s Army sometimes!
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Hidden Faces by Anne E Thompson – A great Christmas gift for your mother/aunty/sister
or child’s school teacher!

Hidden Faces final cover 6 July 2016

Book Review….


Book Review (No spoilers!)
The Night Manager by John leCarre

Now, this is quite funny. I decided to read something different. I had finished The Night Manager (review below) and I wanted to read something easy and light. Usually I read spy/crime/thrillers. I thought I would try something completely different. So, there is a woman, who uses Twitter a LOT. Honestly, her face is always on there! So, I thought, okay, she seems to have written several books, and is clearly trying very hard to market them (she has my sympathy) I will try one.

Well, then it gets to the funny bit. You see, I went on to my Twitter account, to find the link to her latest book so I could buy it and…..she had blocked me! I didn’t even know you could block people on Twitter. I am not completely sure why she did this, possibly it was a mistake, or it might be because a while ago, I posted something on Twitter and she commented. I then reposted it, and she sent me a message, complaining I had deleted her comments. I had not – at least not intentionally – I wouldn’t know how to even if I wanted to, in fact, I hadn’t even seen her comments. But my IT skills are fairly basic, so I replied, apologising and saying it was in error, not to be nasty. Perhaps she didn’t believe me. Perhaps there was another reason. But she has blocked me.

So, what to do? At first I was rather put out, decided I would buy someone else’s book. Then I decided that was silly, why should I change my mind just because I had been blocked from her Twitter feed? It might have been a mistake, or maybe she has an ill mother or some other stress in her life that I don’t know about, and had over reacted. I am not perfect myself. Sometimes I react wrongly. Sometimes I need people to cut me some slack and ignore a sharp tone or a statement that came out wrong. So, I bought her book. If I like it, I’ll write a review (if I don’t like it, I won’t. No need to write a bad review, there is enough negativity in the world.) I haven’t had time to read it yet, so watch this space…
So, on to The Night Manager.

My brother told me I should buy The Night Manager DVD. His recommendations are usually good, so I did. The DVD shows all the episodes from the television series. I didn’t even know it had been a television series (I don’t watch telly much.) So, Son 2 was home, and after dinner each evening, we sat and watched one, or sometimes two, episodes. It was brilliant (hence the rather indulgent two episodes some evenings!) A good mix of brilliant acting, a great script and that fine balance between not being confused while watching but also not being able to guess quite HOW it was going to end. Worth investing a few hours of relaxation.

When we had watched the last episode, I decided to buy the book for when we went on holiday. John leCarre is one of my favourite authors – in fact, he is the person in the world who I would most like to meet for coffee. I’ve seen him interviewed a couple of times, plus I love his writing, I think his brain is amazing and that he would make for a very interesting person to chat to. But anyway, back to the book. Although I have read quite a lot of his work, I had missed The Night Manager, so downloaded the Kindle version and read it on holiday. It did not disappoint.

I would definitely recommend that you watch the televised version first, and then read the book. The characters in the drama are excellent, and when I read the book, I could still hear their voices in my head. Even though one of the characters actually changes gender between the telly version and the book, it doesn’t spoil the enjoyment at all. In fact, a lot about the book was different. There are huge differences in plot, places and finale. But the essence of the characters and the main themes in the story, remain true in both.

At the end of the book, there is a short conclusion by John leCarre. He also comments on the differences, saying that when he heard they were going to change so much in the filmed version, his thought was to tell them to “write your own bloody book”. I’m so glad he didn’t, that he was wise enough to trust the people who made the televised version. We can enjoy both of them.

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Amazon link:

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Thank you for reading.

If you enjoy good books, why not try Hidden Faces?

Hidden Faces final cover 6 July 2016

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Next week I write about our church, which also tends to have things go unexpectedly wrong.

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Postcards from the boys…


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My boys arrived home from their tour of Europe. I cannot begin to tell you how pleased I was to see them! They had written me postcards while away – they didn’t actually get round to posting them, but they were fun to read when they emerged from the bottom of the dirty washing bag… I thought I would share them with you. Here they are, as written:

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Family!
Greetings from Warsaw.
We are still alive.
Have eaten mostly Mcdonalds
and an indian bloke
keeps stealing our water.
Love
Sons
x
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Family!
Greetings from Krakow,
We are still alive!
Have eaten only £2 pasta
from a dodgy shop.
The entrance to our hostel
looks like a torture chamber
Love Sons! x
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Hi Family,
Greetings from Budapest
We are still alive!
Have eaten only 55p pizza
– James keeps complaining.
We went to the ‘hot springs’
that turned out to be a wave pool
(we went to the wrong place)
Love Sons
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Family,
We are in Bratislava
We are still alive!
We ate traditional Slovak food that
turned out to be sheep’s cheese porridge.
James has a small cold and is
claiming to be too ill to do
anything – wimp.
Love
Son & ill son
x
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Family,
Greetings from Prague!
We are still alive!
Did not get postcard from Austria
because James was (pretending to be) ill
and it would have cost £10.
We ate nothing but breadrolls
in Salzburg.
James has mostly stopped moaning.
See you soon
Love Sons x

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Hope you enjoyed them as much as I did!

Fancy reading something different? Take a walk to the world that is just around the corner. Meet a family, who is just like your family, living in a familiar place with some huge changes. Prepared to be entertained, captivated and made to think, long after you have finished reading….
Counting Stars by Anne E Thompson, available from Amazon as a Kindle book.

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Or, if you live in the US:

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Selling Books Update


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Hello, hope you had a good week. Mine has been busy – as usual.

Think of the best books that have ever been written – Les Miserables, The Phantom of the Opera, I am Legend, some of the books by Charles Dickens – how many of them are still read today outside of the classroom? People might tell you they love the story (meaning they have seen the film) but surprisingly few people actually read them. If no one is promoting a book, it doesn’t sell. Which is why many of the books we enjoyed as teenagers are no longer in the shops (You never see Desmond Bagley on the shelves.) This is true even of contemporary fiction. Having a book on the shelf in a bookshop does not sell it. Ask even the most famous of authors (Stephen King and Lee Child to name two) and they all seem to say the same thing, that authors spend 75% of their time promoting their books. So, being someone who likes a challenge, this is what I have done so far.

Firstly, I have listened to a lot of advice. Lots of it. Some has been excellent, some has been dismissed on the grounds of “that is too scary” and some was just plain silly (I won’t waste your time with that.) Son who knows marketing, told me that people have to be prompted four times in a month for advertising to be effective. So, short intense bursts of advertising are better than a long drawn out one.

One excellent piece of advice was to decide which niches my book fitted into – to enlarge the stereotypes if you like. So, Hidden Faces includes details about schools, about women, about motherhood, about church, plus it was written by a local author (me.) So, which of those could I use to market the book?

I took the church aspect. Lots of people are Christians, attend church, and read books. I therefore sent copies to relevant magazines, asking them to review it. I contacted Christian bookshops, asking if they would stock it. I advertised it amongst the Christian community. Now I have to just wait, which is difficult, to see who will respond.

I took the school aspect, and advertised it amongst the parents at the local school. The story begins with a nativity play that goes disastrously wrong, so I felt it had appeal for both parents and teachers. It also means the book will be an ideal Christmas gift. I plan to contact teacher-training colleges and ask if they have a newsletter where the book could be reviewed or advertised.

I was asked if I would do a ‘book signing’ session at the local community cafe, and I advertised this amongst the parents at the local school. I will also ask if I can sell them at Christmas fairs.

I am the author and I have a locality (yes, obvious, I know, but we have to use what we can.) I contacted the editor of the free newspaper in our area and told him I had written a book. He interviewed me, took a photo (really embarrassing one) and wrote an article. Since then, lots of people have stopped me in the street, saying they have read about me/the book. The reporter said he would also cover the book signing.

I made some small posters, and most shops in the town were willing to display them.

I am attending a lunch in London, where the guest speaker is a famous author (the kind that has had her books made into television dramas.) I mentioned to the organiser that I had been inspired to start writing at a similar event and she then asked if I would also be willing to speak. (This will be terrifying – I will let you know how I get on.) I can provide comment on the other end of the spectrum – how someone who knows nobody famous can write a book, and what happens next,

Sometimes, while doing all this, I felt like a little boat on a big sea, being pushed in all directions by massive waves. It was all way outside my comfort zone. Prayed about it, and realised that if I never sell another book, in the grand scheme of things, does it matter? What was important was that I lived each day as well as I can. Husband also gave me some advice. He said that every ‘job’ that needed to be responded to, needed to be graded. They were either ‘not important’, or ‘important but not urgent,’ or ‘important and urgent’. I could therefore decide where in my week I would deal with them. In other words, I could take back control, not simply react to everything as it appeared in my emails. (I now have great fun when he asks if there any clean socks, telling him that they are in the ‘important but not urgent’ pile.)

I have seen some results already. A bookshop in Streatham agreed to take some books. They were willing to stock more books than I could post, so I had a very traumatic morning driving into London – so many people walking into the road, unexpected red lights and cars passing on all sides. Then when I finally reached the shop, there was nowhere to park. Nowhere. It was by far the most stressful part of being an author to date.

I will let you know how the other avenues develop as I get there. I still have a few ideas on my list, such as contacting the library and asking if they would like me to do a reading. Attending book groups, and explaining the journey to producing a book, or telling them about Hidden Faces and why I wrote it. Sometimes one idea leads naturally to another, sometimes something doesn’t work and I forget about it. I have a naturally compulsive character, when I meet friends in the street, I have to remember to greet them and listen to their news, not rush up with, “I have written a book!” I have to try and be a nice person while doing all this.

After the initial burst in August, my sales have become a steady trickle. Which is okay – it means I have time to edit Joanna (my next book.) I have nearly sold a quarter of the number I had printed (not bad for one month.)

One of my next moves is to enter into a trading agreement with a wholesaler. If I do this, Waterstones will sell my book (it is already listed in their online shop.) I can also approach other shops, further afield, and ask them to stock it. At the moment, I have seen their standard agreement, which asks for 60% discount on all books. This would mean I received less than my production costs. However, all big businesses are used to negotiations (little ones aren’t – I have found that if a small business asks an unreasonable mark-up, they will not budge!) I will try to lower them to something more realistic. One thing I have learnt is to set up my supply network, ie make sure people can actually buy the book, before I advertise it. I lost sales initially because local shops had sold out and took ages to restock, so it should have been in more than one shop in each town.

Of course, the best way to sell my book is for the people who have enjoyed it to tell their friends and family (NOT to lend it to them – which happens a lot of times and is very frustrating!) Some people have already told me they will be buying a second copy for someone for Christmas. A few people have already bought more than one copy, which is rather thrilling. Thank you everyone who has bought it – have you….?

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Thank you for reading.

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Hidden Faces by Anne E Thompson is in a growing number of shops….and on Amazon:

Hidden Faces final cover 6 July 2016

Next week, I review someone else’s book. But things did not turn out as planned….

Letter to a Sister – children, arms and cakes….


Hi, how was your week? I could’ve done with you here this week, I needed a bit of reassurance that I will see my boys again. They have left to travel around Europe. No money, no plans, way too much confidence. They left at 4am to get a coach from Gatwick to Stansted (because it was cheap) to fly to a forest near Warsaw (because it was cheap) and planned to stay in an establishment called (apparently) The Okey Dokey (because – yep, you guessed it – only £15 per night for two people including breakfast.)

So, please tell me that in two weeks time I will see them, unharmed, back in the UK. I did ask them to send me some sort of message each day, just so I know they’re alive. Yesterday I received a Facebook message from a Polish man claiming to have kidnapped them and asking for ransom (I replied it was way too high.) Today I was told they’d moved to a new hotel – which sounded eerily like the one in the Hostel film (if you haven’t seen it, don’t. It is awful, I only saw it by mistake and I still cannot lose the horrible images.) I am assuming all this means they are safe and well. And I know they will look after each other and have an amazing time and create some wonderful memories. But I will be SO happy to see them when they get home!

Mum also left this week. She had booked a cottage in Norfolk and set off with a suitcase as light as she could make it (she even removed photographs she was taking from the envelopes to save weight.) I took her up to Liverpool Street Station and put her on the train. She had been worrying about this – had even practised the week before so she knew where to go, so it was nice to be able to take her. It sounds like she is having a great time, lots of family are there too and she has friends there (she has friends everywhere). Even the weather is being kind for her.

I however, am quite content to be at home. Especially as I have hurt my arm. Very annoying. I fell over ages ago (was overtired and tend to get a bit unsteady, tired brain and all that.) I thought I would have a huge bruise, but nothing came up, and my fingers seemed to work okay, so I figured nothing was broken and carried on, as you do. Then while we were in Cyprus, it started to hurt a bit, and has been getting gradually worse. I can hardly use it at all now, even unscrewing a jar is impossible.

So, I was trying to ice a cake (for Bill, who is 98) and I couldn’t roll out the fondant icing. I have never used that before, so I watched a youtube clip, and it looked really easy, thought I would give it a go. Anyway, all was fine until I came to the rolling out bit. I was nervous about making a large cake (it needed to be shared with 40 people), I knew it would end up like a brick with a dip, so I used some bread tins and made 6 smaller cakes, then sandwiched them together with butter icing. I put it in the fridge for half an hour, like the woman on youtube did (though her cake had less crumbs on the surface than mine. And was smoother) then tried to roll the fondant icing. Impossible with one arm. I couldn’t apply enough pressure. So I called Nargis, who was in the house. (We pretend she’s my cleaner, but actually she is one of my best friends and practically family.) She came to help, and asked why I hadn’t had the arm checked.

I explained that I have no time. She asked what I was doing this afternoon, and I told her I had a dentist appointment. She asked if I had a problem with my teeth. I said no, it was just a check up. She pointed out that I had time to check my teeth, which are fine, but not my arm, which might be broken. It was a good point. I went to the local hospital. They were very nice, and agreed with my diagnosis, that it’s probably not broken, just a strained tendon but is not healing because I keep using it. They suggested physio. Absolutely no time for that!

The thing is, I’m sure the doctor who saw me is our postman. It looked exactly like him, even spoke the same. I kept wondering how I could ask, “Are you our postman?” But there was never the right moment. Very strange.

Hope all is well with you. My journey into authorship continues – the books are selling really well and are gradually being accepted into more bookshops. I will give you a full update next week.

Take care,
Anne x

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Thank you for reading.

anneethompson.com

My sister’s blog is: http://ruthdalyauthor.blogspot.co.uk

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If you enjoyed this, you will love my new book: The Sarcastic Mother’s Holiday Diary.
I have always written a diary on holiday, so last Christmas, I decided to find all my old diaries and blogs, and make a book for my children. However, several other people also asked for a copy, so I have written a public version – it’s available on Amazon and has been described as “The Durrells meet Bill Bryson”!

Why not buy a copy today? I think it will make you laugh.

The US link is here:

https://www.amazon.com/Sarcastic-Mothers-Holiday-Diary-ebook/dp/B07N95281F/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549015525&sr=8-1&keywords=the+sarcastic+mothers+holiday+diary

The India link is here:

https://www.amazon.in/Sarcastic-Mothers-Holiday-Diary-ebook/dp/B07N95281F/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549015429&sr=8-1&keywords=the+sarcastic+mothers+holiday+diary

The UK link is here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sarcastic-Mothers-Holiday-Diary-ebook/dp/B07N95281F/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1549014970&sr=8-2&keywords=the+sarcastic+mothers+holiday+diary

 

 

Cyprus 7


Family Holiday Diary 2016

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Friday

We went to The Tombs of the Kings. The guidebook said the best time to visit is early morning. It probably is. We went at midday. (We all have to go out every day, otherwise we distract M, who is finishing his Masters.) Unbelievably hot. Wasted some time looking at some interesting rocks with holes in them. By the time we found the actual tombs, we were too hot to be interested. Which was a shame, because actually they were pretty amazing. Great underground caverns with pillars and courtyards. But hot. When the family declared they would pay me the admission fee just to be allowed to leave, I figured they’d had enough. We left and went to McDonalds (it pains me to write those words. But it was wonderfully cool. Plus they have coffee milkshakes in Cyprus.)

IMG_5095 Tomb of the Kings. Even though, they were not built for kings.

Swam/read. J did some kind of physics experiment involving an empty cola bottle suspended mid way in pool. Something to do with pressure. Absolutely no idea why. M worked. Weather clouded over, so D began a Google search for “Holidays in Sahara” (he will be going alone.)

Dressed for dinner. J tried to push H into pool, so I pushed him in. Boys then pushed H in. Were late for dinner. Went back to the Chinese restaurant in Pathos.

Saturday

Our last day. Feel rather fond of villa now, despite the uncomfortable bed and sofa and the brown furnishings. M wanted to work for the morning, so we all went to a museum that showed the struggle of Eoka – the fight for Cyprus to be independent of the Brits in the 1950’s. It’s when Grandpa was doing his National Service here (as one of the ‘baddies’, according to the museum. There weren’t any photos of him though.) It was hot and not especially interesting, mainly a few photos and notebooks copied and enlarged several times and displayed in different ways. But it used up about an hour. One feature that was extremely interesting was the dragon’s nest. Until the early 1950’s, dragons were still wild in Cyprus and they have preserved one of the nests next to the museum.

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D and I walked in the hill town of Pegeia. Lots of signs of ‘normal’ Cypriot life, away from the tourists. Fruit trees, families eating outside, gardens with urns of flowers, steep roads, battered cars, and amazing views down to the sea.

Returned to villa to find H had swam FOUR lengths underwater. Males in awe.

Last dinner at Old Cinema Tavern. Good food, relaxed atmosphere, friendly service. The owner gave us a bottle of wine as a leaving gift.

It has been a lovely two weeks. Everyone is seems contented. Packing always awful. My slightly too tight shorts that I brought to wear at the end of the holiday, after I’d lost weight swimming, never left the suitcase. Instead my ‘baggy’ shorts are quite snug! Might do some exercise next week.

Cyprus is a mix of very old remains and extremely new builds. I do hope the rate of growth is sustainable. The people are mostly friendly and helpful (though beware anyone who balances glasses on their heads.) The weather is hot. In August, it’s very hot.

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Thank you for reading. Next Monday I’ll write another letter to my sister, explaining why I might never see my boys again…

anneethompson.com

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Cyprus 6


Family Holiday Diary 2016

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(Photo of our villa.)

Wednesday

We decided to go back to Old Pathos (the place that was completely deserted and inspired the creepy story:https://anneethompson.com/short-stories/other-stories/old-paphos-cyprus/) I just could not believe the guidebook could be so completely wrong. Only J wanted to come with us, the others all checked where we kept our will and where the passports were, just in case…

It was completely different. The car park was full, there were tourists everywhere. The market was full, lots of lace, leather goods, local wine, fake designer handbags and wine. I bought gifts and had a good look round. Then spent a few hours sitting under a convenient fan while J chose a wallet. Seriously, took hours. Important decision. (Will mainly hold used train tickets, but who am I to judge? Might be a need for them one day if anyone opens a train ticket museum.)

After lunch, we drove to look for a shipwreck I had spied from the hill top. Organised D had done a Google search of “Shipwrecks near Pathos”, found the exact location, and marked it on our map. J then left map on kitchen table. Drove west along coastline, saw lots of sea caves in the white cliffs. Found wreck. Apparently it had hit a rock further out to sea, veered off course, and hit the shore. I cannot imagine how such a huge boat had managed to not see the coast. Perhaps the pilot was looking for Pokemon or something. Interesting for us though. We could walk right up to it, and someone was swimming and climbed up onto the deck.

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There is another wreck, nearer to Pathos. That one is slightly out to sea, and has grounded on some rocks near the surface. It’s a bit of a worry for the hoteliers I should think, as if it breaks up there will be lots of sharp metal shards on the beaches. At present it’s an interesting view. You can see the waves breaking where the rocks are (though obviously the pilot missed those. Or rather, didn’t miss those.) Expensive mistake for someone.

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Dinner back at The Old Cinema Tavern in Pegeia. We shared a Mini Meze (nothing mini about it) and D and J shared a Full Meze. This amounted to a lot of food. It’s served in many courses, a bit like Spanish tapas. Meats, olives, pittas, beans with sage, feta, grilled halloumi. The males planned an eating strategy, H and I ignored them and ate what we wanted. J took photos of every course and then every empty plate. To be honest, I think the empty plate photos will all look quite similar…must be a Physics thing.

Finished with grapes and shots, and played charades. H had trouble counting number of words in titles. M had trouble miming “Texas”. Restaurant owner ignored us (which was good.)

Thursday

A lazy day. They all made sandcastles on the beach (doesn’t seem to be something they’re growing out of. Though they are more sculptures than sandcastles these days.) I walked around a development of new houses near the villa. This area of Cyprus has a LOT of new houses being built, whole streets of them. In some areas they have just built the roads, in preparation, others have whole streets. They tend to be built in order, the walls and roof first, then solar panels and a water heater on the roof, then they plaster the walls, before adding windows, woodwork etc. Lots of streets have one or two finished houses, I guess to entice buyers. They even fill the swimming pool and plant flowers in one garden (a bit strange when it’s in a half built street.) I had noticed that many of the road signs and all the estate agent signs, have writing in Greek, English and Mandarin. It’s unusual to see Mandarin on street signs outside of China. A waiter told me that this is because if you buy a property over €300,00 then Cyprus will issue a European passport. This makes it a good investment place for rich Chinese people.

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It was M and H’s anniversary, and they wanted to cook and eat together at the villa, so the rest of us arranged to eat at Trattoria La Vigna, an Italian restaurant in Coral Bay that we could walk to.

Thank you for reading. On Monday I’ll tell you about our last day and the Tombs of the Kings.

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anneethompson.com

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Hidden Faces – a book to make you smile, think, and enjoy. Have you bought your copy yet?

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Cyprus 5


Family Holiday Diary 2016

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We checked out of Annabel Hotel, Pathos, and drove along the coast to Coral Bay. We had rented a villa for the last week of the holiday. R and S had left to return to work, so it was just M, girlfriend H, J, with me and D. We drove there via a supermarket (parking always stressful, but foreign supermarkets are usually interesting. This one was fairly standard, disappointing.)

The villa, booked through James Villas, was fairly basic, very brown, but will be fine as long as nothing breaks. It has air conditioning (essential) but only in the bedrooms – so I decided pretty quickly that home cooking was not on the menu. Coral Bay is a mix of beautiful coastline and trashy restaurants. We ate in a ‘traditional’ restaurant that wasn’t traditional at all, just over priced and full of ‘Brits Abroad’. Hope we find somewhere nicer tomorrow.

Monday

Woke late after a terrible night. Lazed around, swam/read. M worked (still finishing dissertation) then stepped fully clothed into swimming pool. As a suicide attempt it was lame, but I can think of no other reason.

Found washing line (most exciting feature of villa) and hung up classy fluffy expensive beach towels that we bought in the supermarket. (The expensive bit is true.) Ate stale bread for lunch.

Drove to catacombs. Quite interesting, though spoilt by all the litter. One cave had a pool of water (hard to see in the dark) which J washed his muddy shoe in and then worried might be a leaking sewage pipe. Afterwards read guidebook (why does my family always read them after the visit?) and discovered that actually it was miraculous water. All hoped it might improve his rather ugly feet, but no change so far.

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Drinks in McDonalds (so nice, mainly because it was cool in there.)

Stopped on way back to villa to photograph banana plantations. This area has lots of them. It was interesting because you could see the various stages, from flower, to tiny beginnings to full bananas – which were then covered in blue plastic bags. Never found out why, so do tell if you know.

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Walked from villa to beach. D claims this is a 7 minute walk. It isn’t. It is 10 minutes of fast walking to the top of the cliff. Beach crowded, sea nice – not cold, wonderfully blue with gentle waves. J looked for fish and saw a mammoth (no alcohol involved, so not sure how he managed that.)

Dinner at The Old Cinema Tavern next to the church in Pegeia square (99380842). It was very nice, traditional Greek food (without the dancing or pervy glass balancing man.) It was recommended by the woman who works in the supermarket. {Top travel tip: Forget guidebooks, just ask the woman who works in the local supermarket for places to eat. They will be better, cheaper, and more traditional than anything you’ll find in tourist guides!} When we finished our meal, they brought us plates of fresh fruit and shots of zivania. This was a little like drinking paint stripper. H was surprisingly proficient at drinking shots…

Drove back to villa. Saw the glasses balancing man doing his act (complete with “hand up volunteers’ skirts” routine) in a different Greek restaurant. Evoked an extremely strong reaction from both boys. This is how wars are started. So glad we hadn’t chosen that particular place to eat.

Tuesday

I read the book of Acts, about Paul visiting Salamis and Pathos 2,000 odd years ago. Pretty cool to read about places we’ve visited ourselves.

Stale bread and cereal for breakfast. D tried to educate everyone in early eighties music and played Alan Parsons Project. Loudly. Not sure everyone appreciated it. I washed my extra expensive quality fluffy towel with tee-shirts. Tee-shirts now covered in fluff.

Bought a selection of pastries for lunch. Olive bread a challenge due to olive stones. One pastry seemed to contain toothpaste, wasn’t popular. Also, we keep having ants in the kitchen. Have designated Dustbin Dave to empty rubbish regularly (he is objecting to name.)

Went for drive. Followed signs saying “Waterfall: Road suitable for all cars”. Followed signs for a long way – until they led off tarmac road onto gravel track with sheer drop on one side. Decided we didn’t want to see waterfall that much. Fantastic views of Pathos and coastline from hills. Walked along deserted hills for a while, then came to some leather chairs under a sunshade. Bizarre.

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Dinner in Imogens Tavern in Kathikas (another recommendation from supermarket lady.) Sat at tables with chequered cloths with candles under vines and fig trees. Not bad at all.

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If you enjoyed this, you will love my new book: The Sarcastic Mother’s Holiday Diary.
I have always written a diary on holiday, so last Christmas, I decided to find all my old diaries and blogs, and make a book for my children. However, several other people also asked for a copy, so I have written a public version – it’s available on Amazon and has been described as “The Durrells meet Bill Bryson”!

Why not buy a copy today? I think it will make you laugh.

The US link is here:

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The India link is here:

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The UK link is here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sarcastic-Mothers-Holiday-Diary-ebook/dp/B07N95281F/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1549014970&sr=8-2&keywords=the+sarcastic+mothers+holiday+diary

 

Strong characters and light humour in an easy read novel – why not buy a copy for the weekend?

Hidden Faces final cover 6 July 2016

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Cyprus 4


Family Holiday Diary 2016

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Pathos has a beach front full of shops and restaurants designed for tourists. Most of them seem to be English. We ate in Bacchus, a Bistro overlooking the sea. They were very friendly (the old man who enticed us in gave us his home-grown cucumbers to try). Food was a bit rough.

Drank cocktails in bar.

Friday

Breakfast at 9. Everyone surprisingly awake. Apparently, if you have a room overlooking the restaurant, it gets noisy from 7am. Breakfast was busy, but had a huge variety of food to choose from.

M worked (beware, gentle reader, if one does a Masters course for one year from September, it can somewhat eat into your holiday.) Rest of us considered sitting in silence to support him, then swam/read/sunbathed instead.

Nice lunch in cafe opposite hotel (a fraction of hotel prices.)

Swam in sea, which was cold and had big rocks near the surface, so you had to be careful. Played ‘netball’ in the pool and didn’t get shouted at by attendant (we sometimes have rather unhappy relationships with pool attendants on holiday.) S swam a length underwater. H didn’t, which was tactful of her.

Chinese for dinner. Very nice, though slightly strange being in a Chinese restaurant where no one at all was Chinese. Perhaps the cooks were.

Saturday

Breakfast a bit ‘old’ – had been there a while I fear. Not everyone made it to breakfast due to extensive clubbing the night before (will remain nameless, but they know who they are…)

Swam/read on balcony. Pleasant.

Lunch at La Place Royal opposite hotel again. M dropped a chip and a whole deluge of ants arrived (waitress swept them away with a broom.) Big telly was showing Olympics.

D and S played table tennis (obviously inspired by Olympics.)

Drove to Pathos old town. Guide book showed bustling markets, interesting churches and mosques, historical sites. Hmm, not what we saw. Firstly, we got lost trying to leave town, as there were random one-way streets and closed roads not marked on the map (apparently – J was map reading.) Found some ruins, with St Paul’s pillar, by chance. This was where St Paul was tied when he was whipped (I have to say, this story does not appear in my Bible, where his trip to Pathos was relatively smooth, but perhaps I missed it. There was a pillar, clearly labelled, so who am I to doubt its authenticity?)

Finally made it to old Pathos. A large sign directed us to parking, but we realised just in time that it was pointing to a steep flight of steps, so didn’t drive down there. No other cars in carpark (which perhaps should have been a clue.) Wandered around. It was very hot. Everywhere was deserted. There was a gun on the floor, and sounds of chanting from the church. The shops had mannequins straight from a horror movie, all the roads had been dug up, cafes and market were all deserted. A few isolated cars and bikes passed us – we began to think they were all driven by the same few people. It was very weird. It also made for a perfect story, so I wrote one (I didn’t have to use much imagination!):

The Story of Old Pafos

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Decided we would visit again another day. Returned to the seafront. Arrived back at Annabel hotel. D drove up to the barrier and spoke into the intercom.
D: Hello – Guest-e-o (why??)
Reply: Hello, welcome.
D: Welcome (why?? Why repeat welcome?)
Reply: Are you a guest?

We all refused to walk in with him.

J informed me that, “Physics is all the interesting parts of maths.” So much I do not understand in that statement.

Went to Democritos, which promised to be a traditional Greek restaurant with music and dancing. There was a good menu, a pretty atmosphere, and live music by some talented musicians. Had a very nice selection of starters to share. And then the dancing began… I have to say, Greek dancing is somewhat repetitive by the time it is in its fiftieth loop of repeated steps. A man came and balanced glasses on his head. Lots of them. He wore a badge declaring he was a Guinness World Record holder – was tempted to ask him what for. He asked for volunteers to add glasses and then put his hand up their skirts. M and J decided he was a pervert. It was a very long evening. I think perhaps Greek restaurants are something you only need to experience once in your lifetime. It has been much discussed since. At the time, I was just bored – I now realise how lucky I am that M and J didn’t get up and punch the glass balancing man (I much prefer the bored option.)

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Thank you for reading. Tomorrow I will tell you about our villa in Coral Bay (and how we saw the glasses balancing man again…)

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